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Using The No-Fault Zone® Game: A Follow-Up With Lisa

We had such a heartfelt response to Lisa’s story regarding the shame she felt about her  anger that we decided to do a follow-up blog post.  Lisa used The No-Fault Zone® Game as I had suggested and she has agreed to share photos of her mat and her description of the process she went through with the cards....

An Anger Epiphany

Dear Sandra, It was over 25 years ago, so the details are a bit hazy.  What I vividly remember is a group of girls standing around me outside our high school classroom and a girl named Toni looking me right in the eyes and asking out loud: “Why are you always so angry?”  I can still feel the shock now as I did that day when her words landed.  I remember thinking "Oh, so that's what that feeling is called!" I was reminded of this incident last night as I read “Nonviolent Comm...

Your Anger Can Be A Gift

Have you ever tried to hold a beach ball under the water?  It’s impossible!  It keeps rising to the surface no matter how hard you try to hold it down. Anger is a lot like that.   Stifled or ignored anger festers and grows.   It pops out at any given moment even though we try to hold it in.  Yet, when we listen to the messages our anger has for us and learn how to express it in healthy ways, the ball deflates.  Then we can use our energy in more positive ways...

What Is Your Anger Trying To Tell You?

We all know that feeling.  Someone has done something or something has happened that has angered you and the rage is real!  Your body tenses, your heart races, your temperature rises and a vicious tirade comes spilling out your mouth before you even realise it!...

6 Ways to Resolve Expectation Issues In Relationships

Have you ever had an experience where someone else blamed you for not meeting their needs?  Perhaps you didn’t even know that they had those needs or you didn’t believe it was your role to meet them (but they sure did!). I see this happen often in many different relationships.  A lonely mother expects her adult children to fulfill her needs for companionship and empathy.  A husband expects his wife to cook his meals and do his laundry because his mother always did that for his...

The Stories We Tell Ourselves

Mike, a single dad of teenage daughter, Riley, was distraught.  “I’ve been doing my best to be a good Dad but she doesn’t even want to talk to me.  She’s miserable!  I always thought I would be a better Dad than my father was but it looks like I’m just as incompetent as he was.  The divorce from her Mum must have really harmed her, I should have tried harder to make things work. I’m worried our relationship will never be the same.” What had caused Mike’s ...

Anne: A COVID-19 Case Study

This year has been challenging for everyone.  For many people, during lockdowns external life may have got quieter, but their internal dialogues got louder.  Unable to drown out their thoughts and feelings by rushing from one activity to the next, they became aware of the thoughts and emotions that were successfully hidden and muffled for years, even decades. This is what happened to Anne.   Anne is a 47-year-old woman with a husband, three teenage children and a demanding jo...

Taking Responsibility For Our Feelings

Do you ever feel like your moods and emotions are at the mercy of others? I have some good news...no one can make you feel something!  Their words and actions can affect you but they don’t cause your feelings.  Your feelings are triggered by the meaning you give to their words or actions - the story you tell yourself about them. Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is transformative in the way that it encourages us to take responsibility for our feelings rather than blaming others for them...

Know Your Needs

These are some basic needs that we all have.  This list is not exhaustive, but it's a good place to start to connect with your own needs.  Closure  Choice /Autonomy  Belonging/Inclusion  Clarity  Acknowledgement  Authenticity  Awe/Wonder  Competence  Connection  Community  Order/Efficiency  Meaning/Purpose  Friends/Companions  Beauty  Fun/Play  Equality  Empathy  Creativity/Self Expression  Growth...

Find Your Feelings

These are some basic, universal feelings that we all have.  This list is not exhaustive, but it is a good starting place to help you find the right words to describe how you are feeling.Confident  Delighted  Surprised  Comfortable  Calm/Peaceful  Open/Receptive  Satisfied  Relieved  Moved/Tender  Inspired  Interested  Joyful  Eager  Excited  Happy/Content  Enlivened/Rejuvenated  Grateful  Confident  De...

Riding The Wave: Expressing Your Feelings

My friend, Sarah, recently told me about a dream she had had.  It was a warm, sunny day and she was swimming in the sea.  A swell rolled towards her and as it started to break, she decided to body surf it.  The wave crashed into her and she went with the momentum, carried along in the bubbling, swirling water.  “It was exhilarating!” Sarah exclaimed.  “My body felt light and free suspended in the flow.  I landed on the shore and sat in the shallow water dishev...

The No-Fault Zone® Game

Do you want to understand yourself better and figure out why you say and do the things you do? Would you love to be able to express yourself with more clarity and confidence? Do you experience misinterpretations and misunderstandings in relationships?The No-Fault Zone® Game is a fun, visual, and tactile game that has helped thousands of people around the world discover how to express themselves effectively and listen actively to others....

Finding Meaning In Our Mistakes

I invite you to think about a situation in which you did something you regret.  Can you feel a physical response as you remember it?  Maybe your chest feels tight, or you feel a knot in your stomach? How do you speak to yourself about what you did?  Does it sound like any of these… “That was stupid!”“What’s wrong with you?”‘You messed up again, you can’t do anything right!” Now, tap into your feelings about what you did.  What emotions are you experienc...

An Introduction to Nonviolent Communication

Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a compassionate, honest way of communicating that aims to foster genuine connection and understanding.  It provides a simple four-step process that helps us to express our feelings honestly and communicate our needs clearly, whilst still maintaining a connection with the other person. It would be impossible to talk about everything that NVC is in just one blog post. This is merely an introduction!  If you imagine NVC as a body with all the different pa...

Empathy: Creating Space For Connection In Your Relationships

Let's be honest, relationships can be hard.  They can be complicated.  They get messy.  Whether it’s with a life partner, a child, a family member or a work colleague, our relationships can become filled with assumptions, expectations, and judgements. Empathy gives us the opportunity to take a step back and create a space for connection and understanding.  We show empathy when we become aware of and understand the needs and feelings that someone is experiencing.  ...