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How To Stop Procrastinating (Part 2)

Nonviolent Communication is much more than just a style of communicating.  It is a state of mind, a consciousness based on the principle that everything we do in life is motivated by a desire to meet our needs.  When we have a deeper understanding of the needs that are causing our behaviour, we are empowered to take clear action to meet them and live fulfilled lives. This is especially applicable when it comes to procrastination.  In our last blog we described procrastination as p...

How To Stop Procrastinating (Part 1)

Have you ever had a task that needed to be done but you suddenly had an overwhelming desire to declutter your house?  You should be studying for an exam but you are sitting at your computer getting your email inbox down to zero? You are not alone!  The good news is that procrastination is actually more about our feelings and needs and less about personality and productivity!...

How To Deal With Conflict

We are in the midst of winter here in New Zealand and it seems like the weather, together with a lot of financial, cultural and societal turmoil, is creating stress in many people’s lives. This shows itself most clearly in our close relationships, those family and friends with whom we can be ourselves and where we feel safe enough to “let it all out”. I thought it would be a good time to remind us all about the Nonviolent Communication method for resolving conflict and encouraging empathy,...

How To Listen So That Your Children Will Talk

There is a popular parenting book called "How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen".  I have to be honest, I prefer to suggest that we learn How to Listen So That Our Children Will Talk. When my children were very young they loved to talk to me.  To be honest, there were moments when I longed for a bit of peace and quiet!  Then those little people became adolescents and the non-stop chatter turned into grunts, arguing or even worse - silence.  It made me look back on those days o...

How To Navigate Change In Your Life

We all go through change, whether we want to or not.  We may try to ignore or prevent it or yearn and seek for it, but change is inevitable.   Life transition specialist Leia Francisco explains that while change is generally an external event that interrupts your life, how you respond to that change is your personal transition.  Much like what the Greek philosopher Epictetus said “It’s not what happens to you but how you react to it that matters”....

Parenting in a More Connected Way

Our families are where we first learn how to understand and relate to ourselves and others.  As parents, we can feel a huge amount of pressure to get it right - sometimes we believe that to be a good parent we have to be a perfect parent.  This is not true! ...

Breaking Unhealthy Generational Patterns of Communication

It’s so much easier to do what we’ve always done in our lives.  It’s comfortable and familiar.  Our complex brains like it because they know what to expect.  They can be resistant to change or unpredictability and see new experiences or ways of thinking as something scary. However, if we can get over the initial fear, we often find that the resistance to creating new habits, beliefs and actions is short-lived and the benefits far outweigh any temporary discomfort....

3 Steps To Emotional Freedom

Do you remember doing a science experiment at school where the teacher poured iron filings on to the table and then held a magnet near them?  All the filings were immediately drawn to the magnet, covering it until it looked like a fuzzy little creature. We can feel a bit like that magnet sometimes when we take on the feelings and emotions of those around us, family, friends or colleagues. ...

Write It Out

Have you ever had one of those days when you just feel out of sorts?  You can't quite put your finger on it but you feel unsettled, you’re struggling to focus. You might even feel a bit down, overwhelmed or confused. Often when we feel this way, we white-knuckle it through the day, persevering to get stuff done without taking a moment to connect with ourselves.  This just leaves us feeling even more frustrated and unproductive. If we just take a moment to find out what's going on wit...

Responding Instead Of Reacting

This year I have been saddened to see a number of married couples considering separating because they don’t believe they can resolve their communication issues.  Sometimes it seems as if they are speaking different languages!  One person might say something and their partner totally misinterprets their words, resulting in one not feeling heard or understood and the other feeling confused and frustrated.  When this continues for months or years, they quickly start to feel disconn...

3 Books That Can Change Your Life

I have vivid, wonderful memories of childhood days engrossed in a book, transported to another world!  As an adult, unfortunately my time for being whisked away by great fiction is a lot less but I still believe in the immense power of a great book. Here are some of the books we recommend to our clients who are seeking to know more about themselves and why they do the things they do.  We believe that everyone innately desires to live a fulfilling and meaningful life and these books can...

How To Argue Well

I’m right, you’re wrong!You always do this!You never listen to me!I don’t want to talk about it! Do these sound familiar?  In the middle of a heated argument, kindness and respect can quickly be replaced with blame and hurt. It doesn’t have to be that way!  Did you know that you can actually learn how to “argue well”?...

The Conversations That Changed Anna's Life

Anna is a mother of two beautiful boys with cognitive and physical challenges. She used to be an artist but gave it up to focus on being a full-time mother soon after her children were born.  Five years ago, both of her parents died within a few months of each other and she has never allowed herself to grieve for them.   In a rare moment of self-reflection, Anna poured her heart out: “I am so tired.  I feel like I devote my life to caring for my boys, teaching them the skills to...

You Are Not Your Feelings

You are not your feelings. We often identify so closely with our feelings that we believe we are them.   I am happy.I am sad.I am lonely....

Transform Your Workplace Culture

When Satya Nadella took over Microsoft in 2014, he set out to transform the company’s infamous toxic culture of hostility, infighting, and backstabbing.  To start, he gave each member of his senior leadership team a copy of the book “Nonviolent Communication” by Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D. At its core, all communication is about connection.  In a business environment,  connection can be encapsulated by the Maori concept of Kotahitanga - unity and co-operation towards a co...

What To Do When You Feel Worried

How do you deal with worry?  Do you overeat or drink?  Do you binge-watch TV or social media?  Perhaps you get irritable and impatient with your loved ones. Feeling concerned is a normal and necessary part of being human.  It keeps us safe from potential threats.  However, when we worry,  we tend to ruminate in an unhealthy cycle of thoughts or future imaginings about what can go wrong, usually focusing on the worst-case scenario. If we are able to change our relati...

The Dance of Communication in Intimate Relationships

After working with couples for many years, I have realised something very important.  People don't stray from significant relationships and have affairs because the new person is more good looking, thinner, or smarter.  They turn to that person to get what they are not getting in their own relationship.  That may be attention, validation, acceptance, or any other unmet need they may have. Our intimate relationships with our life partners are like a dance.  When we first meet ...

The Most Important Relationship You will Ever Have

The most important relationship you will ever have is not with your partner.  It’s not the one you have with your child.  It’s not even with your friends or family. The most important relationship you will ever have is with YOURSELF. A relationship is a state of connectedness.  Your relationship with yourself is based on the integrity between who you are inside and the life you live on the outside.   I could write a whole book on this, but today I want to share 3 que...

The Best Way To Start The New School Year

As I was writing this blog, I asked my son for his thoughts on one thing parents could do to support their children as they go back to school.  He laughed and said:  “Make their lunch for them every day!”  It was then my turn to laugh!  I believe that learning to make yourself a filling and nutritious lunch is an important life skill, so although I may surprise him some mornings, at 15 years old he will still be packing his own lunch! On a more serious note, at this point...

5 Ways to Be A Better Listener

Listening well to others is one of the greatest gifts we can give them.  It lets them know that they matter and their life experience is valid and meaningful.  Last week, I wrote about 10 Blocks To Listening.  Did you recognise any of those behaviours in yourself?  I sure did!  The good news is that listening is a skill that we can practice and get better at.  Here are 5 tips to help you be a great listener....

10 Blocks To Listening Well

We want to be able to listen so others feel heard and understood.  Being a good listener is a skill we can practice and improve.  Here is a list of what not to do......

Make Your Life Wonderful in 2021

As we start 2021, are you feeling the pressure to make resolutions to achieve in the year ahead?  Is that list of to-do’s leaving you uninspired and stressed? What if there was a simple way to help align your goals with your true values, that allowed you to pursue them with joy and meaning and, by doing so, almost guaranteed your success of achieving them? Here are 3 steps to help you do exactly that!...

The Gift Of Gratitude

My grandmother was one of the most important people in my childhood and I loved her dearly.  A few weeks before she died, she was hospitalized, dipping in and out of consciousness.  Unfortunately, I was living overseas at the time and couldn’t get back to be with her.   It broke my heart that I couldn’t be there with her.  Wanting her to know how much I appreciated all she had done for me in my life, I wrote her a letter and asked a family member to sit beside her hospita...

Listening More Than We Talk

I was in the supermarket yesterday and I heard a very stressed mum exclaim to her young son: “I wish you would just do what I say!” My heart went out to her. I’m a mum and even though my children are now adults, I clearly remember those moments when I felt overwhelmed.  I loved my children deeply and wanted to be the best mother I could be...ah well, if only I knew then what I know now!...

Keeping the Happy in Your Holiday Season

The holiday season can be a stressful time as families gather together.  Emotions run high, expectations go into overload and not everyone brings their best self to the table.   Here are some suggestions that will help you enjoy your meal instead of biting your tongue or gritting your teeth to get through!...